This was originally published via Substack and arrived on this blog a month later. Subscribe to get my newsletters in your inbox as soon as they get published!

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In all honesty, April has been a heck of a month for me (emotionally, mentally, physically), so I’m repurposing a blog post that I originally wrote for the Round Table Mentor site. Check them out if you’re currently writing a book and anticipate being interested in a mentorship program before querying! I applied for the program when I was still querying, I’m currently a mentor, and it’s full of wonderful people.That being said, let’s get into the post.Thanks for reading Write with Helen! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.Subscribed

I sent out my very first queries in October 2023 with the very delusional idea that my book (the first I had ever written) would get snapped right up. Getting multiple full requests in my first week definitely contributed to that delusion, but as time went on, I watched with growing despair as every single one of my fulls turned into rejections (many of them form rejections).

It took me a really, really long time to let go of that book. It also took me a long time to get over the fact that I’m not special, my book wasn’t special, and this industry is a business first and foremost. I was very fortunate that my second book got picked up by an agent, but my mindset during my entire querying journey was… not very healthy (and it definitely impacted the quality of my life and my relationships with those closest to me).

My hope is that this list of things I wish I knew will help prepare you for what’s coming once you enter the querying trenches (although I know that it’s extremely difficult to stay sane during the process, even if you know how to help yourself survive).

1. You will get rejections, and it will hurt.

This one might seem obvious, but there’s nothing in the world that can truly prepare you for how much it hurts to get your book (this piece of you that you’ve been working on for months, maybe years) rejected over and over again.

I thought I was good at taking rejection before hitting the querying trenches. I thought I was good at detaching myself from my work. But after a dozen or so rejections (and no end in sight), it’s hard to not feel hurt. Especially when agents you really, really hoped you would get to work with send back kind responses but with the caveat of “I have to pass.”

In order to keep yourself from spiralling out of control, because the querying journey is unfortunately a long one for most of us, it might help to give yourself something to look forward to when rejections come in. Like having a jar filled with fun activities that you draw from every time you get a rejection that really hurts. Self-care is key.

And maybe you can also take comfort in knowing that just by putting your work out there and getting it read by agents, you’re closer to getting published than most people who think about writing books. It’s a very brave thing to do, to let yourself be perceived. You got this!

2. Time will pass no matter what… write the next book.

Querying might take you one day, or it might take you ten years, and you won’t know how long this journey will take until it ends. The time you spend querying will pass no matter what, and the best thing you can do for yourself and your future is to start working on the next book.

Obviously, take time to decompress after you begin querying. Writing should be fun! It’s the only thing we have control over in the traditional publishing process, and it would be such a shame if it wasn’t fun. But whenever you feel ready and able, start that next project. I promise you that working on your next book will make you feel better in the long run.

I held off on writing my next book for a long, long time. After starting to query in October 2023, I only started drafting my next project in June 2024 (and by that I mean I wrote a single chapter in the entire month of June). June was also when I had hit rock bottom in terms of my mental health and, wouldn’t you know it, once I got into the swing of drafting in July, my mental health improved drastically.

The excitement that comes with knowing you’re writing something new (something good, something even better than your last book) is unmatched. Especially since… if you have your next project in the works, then there’s no reason to be afraid of your current project dying anymore. Life will go on.

3. Nothing about this is personal – it’s business.

Writing is a deeply personal endeavor, but publishing is the exact opposite. When an agent is evaluating your work, they’re not just thinking about whether or not they’re enjoying the words on the page or the story that you’re telling. In order for an agent to feel confident offering representation, they need to feel, first and foremost, that they have the skills and connections necessary to sell it.

Throughout your querying journey, you’ll receive a lot of form rejections referencing that the agent didn’t feel a “spark” (or something similar). These rejections tend to frustrate writers, because what does that even mean? What are you supposed to do about it? How come the agent said all those lovely things about the book but, in the end, they still don’t want it?

The answer is that it’s not enough for your book to just be good, it has to be good enough that the agent is willing to put in time to work on revisions with you, to pitch and submit it to editors, to handle all the logistics that come with being on submission – all for free. All with no guarantee of any financial compensation (because most agents earn off of commissions only). How many books have you read in your life that you felt so passionate about you would be willing to work on them for free for an indefinite amount of time? How many authors do you feel passionate enough about to work with for the entire length of their careers?

It’s not fair, but thinking about publishing as a business and your book as a product helps put a lot of things into perspective. For context, my agent actually rejected my first book for a myriad of reasons that ultimately meant she didn’t see a way forward with it. But she was the one who reached out asking me to send her my next book when it was ready, and she signed me for it days later. She always liked my writing, but she couldn’t offer until all the right boxes were checked.

4. Jealousy is normal. Just don’t do anything weird.

I wrote about jealousy in more depth on my Substack, but the gist of it is that everyone feels jealous, and that feeling doesn’t make you a bad person.

Jealousy is also unavoidable, I think, when you want something so badly. I like to think of it less as an evil feeling that should be squashed, and more as a sign that you’re moving in the right direction. An example I usually give is that when I was in college, I thought I wanted a career in the tech industry more than anything until I realized that I wasn’t jealous of the people who already had tech careers. Once I was in the industry, I also noticed I wasn’t jealous of people getting promoted quickly. Seeing my friends advance in their tech careers never lit a fire under my ass. I just shrugged and carried on.

But I was jealous of the authors on my bookshelf. I was jealous of the writers who had finished books and were querying them (agents were reading their work!). Honestly, I was jealous of everyone who had the courage to pursue their passions. And that’s how I knew what I had to do.

Jealousy is normal. Jealousy can even be good for directing you towards what you really want out of life. Just don’t do anything weird. Process the feeling, talk it out with friends, and accept it as a part of life. Don’t talk shit about other writers or review bomb your fellow authors (if you know, you know).

5. Your worth is not determined by the outcome.

This is related to the fact that this business is not personal, but I think many writers need to hear explicitly that whether or not you get an agent is not a reflection of your talent, your worth, or the importance of your stories.

Let that sink in. And then read it again. And every time you want to throw up and cry and declare that you’re giving up on writing, read it again.

So many stars have to align for an author to get published – succeeding in traditional publishing is one part talent, one part perseverance, and two parts luck. Which is to say, the quality of your writing is important, but it is unfortunately not the end all be all. Again, this is not fair. But it’s the way it is.

What I will leave you with is this:

If there’s one thing you cannot do, it’s let the publishing industry take away your love for writing. Do whatever you have to do to keep that passion alive, because the only way for you to fail in this industry is if you give up.